Valentine's plant profiles - find your perfect match!

By Tristan Ovington


Who wants all the faff of meeting a fellow human's needs this Valentine's Day? Forget that. Get a cute little Calathea to cuddle up to instead. Hug a Haworthia. Smooch a Spider Plant. Have something to be there for you throughout the good and the bad. Listen to your problems without butting in with their own.  Fulfil every one of your wildest fantasies. Okay, maybe not that last part, but you catch our drift, right?

Buying a shiny new plant (or plants!) is a much simpler way to spend Valentine's Day, we're sure you agree. So come and take a cheeky peek at what we're flaunting. Because whatever you want to do with our houseplants, we promise not to judge! 


Name: Zizi  (AKA: Zanzibar gem)

Likes: Gimme low light bro, I'm usually recovering from a hangover

Dislikes: Wait 'til my soil is dry to water me again, k?

Cute Fact: Low effort, high vibe, you know me, right?

Style: Give me a pretty pot for my un-patterned bright green leaves to shine

Hobbies: CBD bath bombs, sticking it to the man, chamomile tea

 


Name: Adrienne (AKA: Asparagus Fern)

Likes: Regular misting, grouping several plants together

Dislikes: Spider mites, brown leaves from too much human touching!

Cute Fact: My feathery fronds facilitate fascinating frivolities

Style: I like to dress in simple, one-coloured pots to accentuate my intricate leaves

Hobbies: Horse-riding, crypto-mining, leisurely narcissism




Name: Azure (AKA: Air plant)

Likes: Water baths every ten days

Dislikes: Nothing, I'm easy!

Cute Fact: Being upside-down for me is like being upright for humans. It's just normal.

Style: I like to dress in anything pretty like a lightweight, empty shell where I can be nestled into while facing downwards and I don't even need soil

Hobbies: Harry Potter movies, collecting soaps, eating crisps

 


Name: We haven't been named yet! Give us all names and a home please! (AKA: Micro baby cacti)

Likes: Lots of sun, weekly water and enough yummy plant food in growing season (Spring, Summer)

Dislikes: Dark areas make us scared. :(

Cute Fact: We are cute, fact.

Style: Whatever little pot you have is fine, as we will grow out of it in no time anyway.

Hobbies: We are too little to be allowed to have hobbies!

 


Name: Phil (AKA: Hoya heart plant)

Likes: Bright, bright, bright sun! And 2-3 weekly watering. Well draining soil.

Dislikes: Dark places give me dark thoughts. Do you trust a plant with dark thoughts?

Cute Fact: I grow so slow, it takes years, don't you know!

Style: Tiny little pots for my slender form. The more decorative the better.

Hobbies: Asian snacks, J-pop, K-pop, L-pop, violent anime.


 


Name: Noah (AKA: Calathea / Prayer Plant)

Likes: Warm spot, indirect sunlight. Moist soil from Spring to Autumn. Regular misting.

Dislikes: Direct sunlight, cold areas

Cute Fact: I fold my leaves up during the night so I can meditate alone

Style: Whatever pot you choose for me, I will adapt like a good disciple

Hobbies: None. I live the life of an ascetic.




Name: Helen (AKA: String Of Hearts)

Likes: Monthly fertiliser in growing season, weekly watering like a succulent

Dislikes: Too much fertiliser, or water, being in direct sunlight all day

Cute Fact: I don't care about the gossip, my heart strings can grow to 12 inches, thank you very much! And I get magenta flowers, so THERE!

Style: The most elegant, beautiful pot you can provide for me, hanging high as the very heavens themselves.

Hobbies: High art, high fashion, high aspirations

 


Name: Paola (AKA: String Of Pearls)

Likes: Succulent soil, plenty of direct sunlight, being treated like a cactus (water every 1 or 2 weeks)

Dislikes: Overly frequent watering, underexposure to sun

Cute Fact: I can make small, white flowers within which some find a quiet, meditative beauty!

Style: A humble, plain pot is adequate. I am fine with whatever you choose

Hobbies: Saving money and water, reading about saving money and water (I love the Guardian), being aqua-thrifty



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If you have a plant at home that you would like to show us, please share on Socials and use the format above to construct your own 'dating' profile for it. 
We have a competition running until Valentine's Day - the winner will receive a £20 voucher to spend in store. More info can be found here.

All of these plants, and more besides, can be found in our Salisbury shop. We look forward to welcoming you soon. 

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